There are two types of people in this world; it seems to me; Gifties and Grabbies! There is a code of behaviour amongst those of us who pride ourselves in our generous natures and the code is only easy to decipher if you happen to be another Giftie.

A Giftie is a real nice character. You can depend upon Giftie to be there when you have been mugged and have no money till payday. Giftie will come running over to supply you with funds until you are able to pay it back.

Giftie is a great person to go out to lunch with, because he or she will certainly insist on paying the bill, or at the very least insist on paying his or her share. Giftie will also make sure you get your birthday present on time, even if you forgot to buy him/her one. Giftie is a wonderful person to invite to your party because he/she will bring armfuls of stuff over, including a selection of alcohol, even though he/she does not drink.

Giftie will always be at the end of the telephone if you have a problem and always be there if you need a lift.

Grabbie is a quite different personality. Grabbie borrows money indiscriminately from everyone, whether or not they can afford to lend it, and seldom remembers to repay their debts.

Grabbie has been known to invent a tall story about being mugged of their purse so that Giftie brings over a wad of cash (see paragraph 2). Grabbie will also invite friends to lunch, and then whip out a calculator when the check arrives, to everyones embarrassment. The usual outcome of this drama is that all the Gifties at the table will hurriedly insist on paying to save further embarrassment. Grabbie knows this, of course, that is why he/she does it.

Dont you just hate a man who invites you to dinner and then carefully divides up the bill at the end of the evening, insisting you pay for each individual cheese stick you might have consumed? Another type is the creep who forensically works out the price of a bottle of wine and then divides by four to see if it would be cheaper to order by the glass. Aaaagh!

Sometimes, couples who dine together take turns to pay. We knew just such a couple, and the arrangement was quite a good one until the other couple began to order a takeaway on our bill on alternate weeks to cover their lunch the following day. Hullo?!!

Tight wad men are the worst species you can imagine. I once met someone who brought his toaster to the office so he could save on his energy bills at home. He had carefully calculated to the exact cent how much he would save each month by eating his toast in the office. We injected his toast with a rainbow of coloured inks, thereby forcing him to bin the toast and add the cost of the wasted bread to his calculated savings. Jerk.